We don't always get our way. In fact, as we age, we get our way less and less. My last blog was full of optimism about my best friend and her expected recovery. I did not get my way. My sister for life passed away on March 28th, much too soon for her and for the rest of us.
I've taught my kids that life isn't fair. It often isn't. Carole lived a good life. Married to the love of her life, Bob. She took care of the dogs, turtles, yard, house, stray friends, family, anyone in need of a little TLC. She took good care of her body and soul. Her veins just gave out on her. This isn't fair. Why take her when the bad guys get to stay around. Life really isn't fair.
At my age it will be hard making a new best friend. I don't even know if I want to try. With Carole it came so easily. We were so alike in so many respects. And just enough unalike to make it interesting and give us something to talk about. You just can't make up all that history quickly, nor should you.
I miss her daily, hourly. I wonder when my heart will stop hurting.
Life will never be the same. It has been changed forever. I still look forward to what's coming next. It's just so hard that I can't lift up the phone and call her and tell her what it is...
Back to creating. Cutting up the cloth and sewing it back together in another way. Colors and patterns and ideas all meshing together. Each day a step in the right direction.
Carole. I miss you more than I can relate. You are in my heart forever.
Peace.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
What Comes Next
Time flies like arrows, fruit flies like bananas, as the saying goes! Time has flown.
This last week was one of the longest in my life. On Monday we moved my parents into assisted living. This was a long time in coming, planning, cajoling, pleading, and then finally just putting the foot down and saying "it is time". But moving parents from their home to an apartment is an experience like no other. Paring down. Searching for the right place. Filling all the requirements. Packing. Picking. Packing some more. And then the physical moving. But we got it done.
Followed moving day with a seminar on asset protection, given by a local radio talking head. I had such high expectations. I guess I just needed some guidance from someone as to how to protect my parents, and then maybe I'd learn a bit to protect myself. What I found out is do not ever go to these things!!!! Never. It was merely a sales pitch for his firm. I shoulda known better! Actually I did, deep down, but I think I was too tired to listen.
Then daily visits to the "old folks" home, putting things away and making sure they were being taken care of. That all seemed to work and. luckily, continues to work. It really pays to do your homework!
Then, on Thursday, arriving home I was told that my best friend, my sister for life, was in the hospital with a brain aneurysm. What! How could this happen? Fear, terror for her, and a mad dash to the hospital many miles away. And this continues to go on and on.
I don't know what the final outcome will be but I have HOPE. She is strong, brave, stubborn, and strong-willed. Not much gets her down. She will make it through this. But the slow, daily progress, or lack of progress...
Going through this experience brings home the fact that we never know what will become of us. We are not in charge. Some things just happen.
She will survive, after all she is my sole-sister. The thirty some odd years that we've been friends is not for naught. It has been to build the foundation to keep it going. After all, we still have that time to look forward to, the time that she gave me in a gift, that showed us, in much later life, sipping martini's, together, and laughing. Yes, we still haven't done that yet. I have to get her use to martini's first!
Peace on in the world of ever changing outcomes!
This last week was one of the longest in my life. On Monday we moved my parents into assisted living. This was a long time in coming, planning, cajoling, pleading, and then finally just putting the foot down and saying "it is time". But moving parents from their home to an apartment is an experience like no other. Paring down. Searching for the right place. Filling all the requirements. Packing. Picking. Packing some more. And then the physical moving. But we got it done.
Followed moving day with a seminar on asset protection, given by a local radio talking head. I had such high expectations. I guess I just needed some guidance from someone as to how to protect my parents, and then maybe I'd learn a bit to protect myself. What I found out is do not ever go to these things!!!! Never. It was merely a sales pitch for his firm. I shoulda known better! Actually I did, deep down, but I think I was too tired to listen.
Then daily visits to the "old folks" home, putting things away and making sure they were being taken care of. That all seemed to work and. luckily, continues to work. It really pays to do your homework!
Then, on Thursday, arriving home I was told that my best friend, my sister for life, was in the hospital with a brain aneurysm. What! How could this happen? Fear, terror for her, and a mad dash to the hospital many miles away. And this continues to go on and on.
I don't know what the final outcome will be but I have HOPE. She is strong, brave, stubborn, and strong-willed. Not much gets her down. She will make it through this. But the slow, daily progress, or lack of progress...
Going through this experience brings home the fact that we never know what will become of us. We are not in charge. Some things just happen.
She will survive, after all she is my sole-sister. The thirty some odd years that we've been friends is not for naught. It has been to build the foundation to keep it going. After all, we still have that time to look forward to, the time that she gave me in a gift, that showed us, in much later life, sipping martini's, together, and laughing. Yes, we still haven't done that yet. I have to get her use to martini's first!
Peace on in the world of ever changing outcomes!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Weather or Whether
It is almost obscene. The weather. Here. Like summer while the rest of the country digs out from under snow and ice. I feel blessed on one hand and bad on the other. What have we done to deserve this great weather?
Then I think of the weeks preceding this time of warmth. Rain. Flooding. Bitter cold, at least for us here on the Monterey Bay. I know we live here because we love the beauty of the area. However, I found myself, this morning as I got up, wishing that we were having something other than sunshine and warmth. What am I thinking!?
Is this the gentle introduction to global warming? Will the summer be cold and overcast, more than last year? Will the rest of the country freeze up and crack due to the brittleness of the earth? Or is this just our climate changing as it always has.
And then I remember. This is just the beginning of 2011. The year is new. We should have a lot to look forward to, at least I hope so.
Actually, as I sit here, I remember the bitterness of the shootings in Tucson. I fear for this country that has gotten so harsh with politics and armed crazy people. What type of a future will my adult children have? What type of a world is being created for them?
We grew up differently. The 50's. Rebelling against all that it meant. Vietnam. Our protests. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It sure was different. We lived it. We grew within it. However, where are we now?
Facing social security. Living longer, but is it better. Retirement. Who wants that? My heart breaking at the cruelty that is growing up all around us. Where will we end up?
Whether we are involved personally or are just on the side-lines, what we create will effect us all. We must continue to be involved. And aware. Of all that is around us and can effect us.
Tonight the President will give his State of the Union. I still have faith. I look forward to hearing his words and wanting to continue to believe. I look forward to seeing the audience, people crossing party lines to sit with one another. Like a group of people rather than two opposing forces. People working together. I can only hope.
So here I am. Hoping for moving forward. And yes, even hoping for a little rain sometime in the near future...
Peace.
Then I think of the weeks preceding this time of warmth. Rain. Flooding. Bitter cold, at least for us here on the Monterey Bay. I know we live here because we love the beauty of the area. However, I found myself, this morning as I got up, wishing that we were having something other than sunshine and warmth. What am I thinking!?
Is this the gentle introduction to global warming? Will the summer be cold and overcast, more than last year? Will the rest of the country freeze up and crack due to the brittleness of the earth? Or is this just our climate changing as it always has.
And then I remember. This is just the beginning of 2011. The year is new. We should have a lot to look forward to, at least I hope so.
Actually, as I sit here, I remember the bitterness of the shootings in Tucson. I fear for this country that has gotten so harsh with politics and armed crazy people. What type of a future will my adult children have? What type of a world is being created for them?
We grew up differently. The 50's. Rebelling against all that it meant. Vietnam. Our protests. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It sure was different. We lived it. We grew within it. However, where are we now?
Facing social security. Living longer, but is it better. Retirement. Who wants that? My heart breaking at the cruelty that is growing up all around us. Where will we end up?
Whether we are involved personally or are just on the side-lines, what we create will effect us all. We must continue to be involved. And aware. Of all that is around us and can effect us.
Tonight the President will give his State of the Union. I still have faith. I look forward to hearing his words and wanting to continue to believe. I look forward to seeing the audience, people crossing party lines to sit with one another. Like a group of people rather than two opposing forces. People working together. I can only hope.
So here I am. Hoping for moving forward. And yes, even hoping for a little rain sometime in the near future...
Peace.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
ONE
Today is 1-1-11. One. What a great way to start out a new year. At the beginning. Unencumbered. Ready to start at the beginning.
But really. Can we really start at the beginning? With all of that history? With our what's and wants and whys? I say, why not!
What matters is what we do, going forth, in our lives. The past is past. It may impact us, but we cannot erase it. Learn from it, yes. Repeat it if it works? Yes. But it is past. No back to the future here!
On-going. Out-going. Just get going. I look out my window and view natural beauty, not of my making, but for my enjoyment. What am I doing to contribute to the beauty of this world as I imagine it to be?
Driving twice last week from my home to Paso Robles I was taken in by the stunning beauty of the landscape. It was as if we were at the bottom of the sea, the earth pushing up through the water to make land masses. Some areas look so much like Maui that my mind was tricked into wanting to go back just to check the land forms.
The rounded stones. Large. Piled masses. Could only be formed by the ocean over millions of years. And yet, here we are, in our car, driving through the water to our destination.
I'm going to take the time to absorb the beauty and move to contribute to this world around me. Be it quilts, fiber art, new rose bushes planted, a big smile on my face, whatever it be, I want to be a contributor and not a taker.
Contribution. Yeah. I like the way that sounds.
Check back for my progress this year. Year of One!
Peace!
But really. Can we really start at the beginning? With all of that history? With our what's and wants and whys? I say, why not!
What matters is what we do, going forth, in our lives. The past is past. It may impact us, but we cannot erase it. Learn from it, yes. Repeat it if it works? Yes. But it is past. No back to the future here!
On-going. Out-going. Just get going. I look out my window and view natural beauty, not of my making, but for my enjoyment. What am I doing to contribute to the beauty of this world as I imagine it to be?
Driving twice last week from my home to Paso Robles I was taken in by the stunning beauty of the landscape. It was as if we were at the bottom of the sea, the earth pushing up through the water to make land masses. Some areas look so much like Maui that my mind was tricked into wanting to go back just to check the land forms.
The rounded stones. Large. Piled masses. Could only be formed by the ocean over millions of years. And yet, here we are, in our car, driving through the water to our destination.
I'm going to take the time to absorb the beauty and move to contribute to this world around me. Be it quilts, fiber art, new rose bushes planted, a big smile on my face, whatever it be, I want to be a contributor and not a taker.
Contribution. Yeah. I like the way that sounds.
Check back for my progress this year. Year of One!
Peace!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
What to Try for Next Year
Really, what do I want to try for next year? I think that I am ready to expand my horizons and spread my wings in the world of art. Enter some other exhibits, some that are hard for me to venture toward, try some galleries, expand the fiber art. Oh my God! What am I thinking?!?
I think my husband is rubbing off on me. He is venturing forth, again, into the world of fine art. He is very good. I think he has a great chance of doing well. And he keeps telling me that I need to get out there. Try something new. Yikes!
The only problem with this is that I am a very private person. I like to keep to myself and am happy to be by myself. I enjoy others, but how much will I have to extend myself if I try out this new venture? Who will be there? What will they think? I guess that unless I try it, I'll never know.
So, 2011 will be the year to put it on the line. To put it out there. To stick my neck out. Enough platitudes. I'm going to jump on the roller coaster and take a ride.
I hope that you will jump on with me!
Peace
I think my husband is rubbing off on me. He is venturing forth, again, into the world of fine art. He is very good. I think he has a great chance of doing well. And he keeps telling me that I need to get out there. Try something new. Yikes!
The only problem with this is that I am a very private person. I like to keep to myself and am happy to be by myself. I enjoy others, but how much will I have to extend myself if I try out this new venture? Who will be there? What will they think? I guess that unless I try it, I'll never know.
So, 2011 will be the year to put it on the line. To put it out there. To stick my neck out. Enough platitudes. I'm going to jump on the roller coaster and take a ride.
I hope that you will jump on with me!
Peace
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wisdom
We strive to be wise, to do the right thing, to have our actions and thoughts reflect us in a higher value. When I reflect back on 2010 I wonder where and when I was wise, and what was the wisest decision that I made.
I think the wisest decision was moving my studio into my son's bedroom. He told us that he wasn't coming home for the summer from school. He didn't need to have the room preserved for him any longer. It could become something else.
My daughter and husband urged, pushed, cajoled me to move into that space. After all, it was twice the size of the room that I was using, and it had so much light and higher ceilings. It would be great for me.
So I began the move. This entailed my boxing up what he had left here, and putting those things that were precious to him in storage. What a journey that was. The legos from his childhood, notes and reports from high school. Equipment from his summer job as a beach lifeguard. Each box was an event.
I cried that I was ruining the chances that he would ever return. How could I take over his childhood room? It wasn't right.
But after a while, I began to see what I could have if I did move there. The light. The space. The windows. The new and ever changing view. Maybe this would be ok.
His first visit home after the move was a little weird. He was in the guest room, now a guest. He didn't mind. He said is was ok.
And then I began to really enjoy my new space. In fact I found that I loved it! Just really loved being in that room. Exploring. Creating. Growing. Maybe that is what it was all about. He grew here. I helped him. And now his space is helping me.
Wisdom. To accept change and growth. To continue to explore. And to know that, in reality, it really is just a room. The home is what we do in the building.
Peace
I think the wisest decision was moving my studio into my son's bedroom. He told us that he wasn't coming home for the summer from school. He didn't need to have the room preserved for him any longer. It could become something else.
My daughter and husband urged, pushed, cajoled me to move into that space. After all, it was twice the size of the room that I was using, and it had so much light and higher ceilings. It would be great for me.
So I began the move. This entailed my boxing up what he had left here, and putting those things that were precious to him in storage. What a journey that was. The legos from his childhood, notes and reports from high school. Equipment from his summer job as a beach lifeguard. Each box was an event.
I cried that I was ruining the chances that he would ever return. How could I take over his childhood room? It wasn't right.
But after a while, I began to see what I could have if I did move there. The light. The space. The windows. The new and ever changing view. Maybe this would be ok.
His first visit home after the move was a little weird. He was in the guest room, now a guest. He didn't mind. He said is was ok.
And then I began to really enjoy my new space. In fact I found that I loved it! Just really loved being in that room. Exploring. Creating. Growing. Maybe that is what it was all about. He grew here. I helped him. And now his space is helping me.
Wisdom. To accept change and growth. To continue to explore. And to know that, in reality, it really is just a room. The home is what we do in the building.
Peace
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Party
Social gatherings. Who, what, when and where was the best gathering that rocked my socks in 2010? I've got to say that it was a wedding, the first of our kids friends to get married, and the first for our dear friends.
We've known the bride since we moved here in 1997. She and my son were almost instant friends in elementary school and that friendship still exists today. Her parents became our dear friends and we are together several times a year to celebrate such holidays as the World's Shortest 4th of July parade and the lowest tide of the year. You know, those common events.
But back to the wedding! What made this so special was that it was also our daughter's 21st birthday. She wasn't thrilled, at first, then realized that it was a great way to start her partying! My son was home for the wedding and brought his wonderful girlfriend. We were all ready to celebrate this joining of two really special people.
The weather was great, but had been preceded by days and days of overcast and cold. The wedding took place at one of our local lighthouses. On the Jetty. At the ocean. Spray flowing over all of us to help cool down the air and just add to the joyous occasion. A very small and intimate affair, followed by a reception at a local restaurant.
Free flowing spirits. Music. Laughter. Fabulous food. And we danced our butts off. All of us. Together, a dancing family of joy and happiness for our dear friend.
Weddings are by nature a happy event, but this one was over the top. It seemed every person in attendance was at the top of their game. Laughter was loud and often. Cheers abundant. Congratulations on every lip. We were HAPPY in the most basic sense. Just sheer happiness overall.
It is such a pleasure to join together with those that you love, and to share in such an intimate occasion. I will never forget how I felt that night when I finally dropped into bed. The kids, however, continued on until 4 am with their partying! Ah, to be young again!
Joyful Noise!
We've known the bride since we moved here in 1997. She and my son were almost instant friends in elementary school and that friendship still exists today. Her parents became our dear friends and we are together several times a year to celebrate such holidays as the World's Shortest 4th of July parade and the lowest tide of the year. You know, those common events.
But back to the wedding! What made this so special was that it was also our daughter's 21st birthday. She wasn't thrilled, at first, then realized that it was a great way to start her partying! My son was home for the wedding and brought his wonderful girlfriend. We were all ready to celebrate this joining of two really special people.
The weather was great, but had been preceded by days and days of overcast and cold. The wedding took place at one of our local lighthouses. On the Jetty. At the ocean. Spray flowing over all of us to help cool down the air and just add to the joyous occasion. A very small and intimate affair, followed by a reception at a local restaurant.
Free flowing spirits. Music. Laughter. Fabulous food. And we danced our butts off. All of us. Together, a dancing family of joy and happiness for our dear friend.
Weddings are by nature a happy event, but this one was over the top. It seemed every person in attendance was at the top of their game. Laughter was loud and often. Cheers abundant. Congratulations on every lip. We were HAPPY in the most basic sense. Just sheer happiness overall.
It is such a pleasure to join together with those that you love, and to share in such an intimate occasion. I will never forget how I felt that night when I finally dropped into bed. The kids, however, continued on until 4 am with their partying! Ah, to be young again!
Joyful Noise!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)